Expectations

    

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.

-Charlotte Bronte

An expectation is a standard of conduct or performance expected by or of someone. We all have expectations of self and others. We have expectations that our spouses, children, parents, friends, co-workers, politicians, and neighbors will act in a certain way based on agreements, contracts, rules, guidelines, laws, and even imagination, desires, and needs. The problem with having expectations of others, especially as it relates to meeting a need of our own, is that we are always subject to disappointment when the expectations are not met. And expectations of others, as they relate to ourselves and our needs and desires, are rarely met the way that we want them met. Expectations always fall short in some way, as we are never satisfied.

Having expectations of another is a way of demanding them to act in a certain way based on your relationship with them. Having expectations is also a way of controlling relationships. When you have expectations, you are trying to control behavior to get desired results. The issue with that is the person who is endeavoring to meet your expectations, knowingly or unknowingly, seldom does so 100%, and you always have more expectations. Expectations birth expectations and lead to perpetual dissatisfaction, because there is never an end to the expectations. Samuel Johnson, English author, said, “We love to expect, and when expectation is either disappointed or gratified, we want to be again expecting. “ Having expectations of others can be a vicious cycle. When we have expectations of another, especially unreasonable and unexpressed expectations, we expect others to read our minds, and know our desired future or expected outcome or result. We create self-induced disappointment and undue stress and strain on relationships.

This does not mean we should have no expectations whatsoever. Should we expect our children to do well in school? Spouses to uphold their wedding vows? Neighbors to observe the HOA rules? Co-workers to fulfill their job responsibilities? Yes! What it doesn’t mean is that we seek to control behavior through our expectations of others. It does not mean that we expect others to meet needs and desires that only God can. It does not mean we hold others to some unreasonable standards and behavior based on our desires, needs, and concepts of how the relationships should be.

In relationships, especially romantic ones, we expect another person to supply us with security, joy, peace, and a sense of fulfillment, completeness, purpose, and significance. We seek in our partners, family, friends, and others what we should seek from God. We become disappointed when these others do not meet our expectations, and we become angry with them for not meeting out needs. We might even become angry with God when others do not meet our expectations, when we should have gone to God in the first place. Psalm 62:5 says, “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.” When we expect others to meet needs that only God truly can, we are putting others in place of God in our lives. We have to have a shift in the way we approach our expectations of others. We have to have reasonable expectations of others and present our personal expectations to the Lord.

When we present our personal expectations to the Lord, we are certainly not demanding anything from Him or seeking to control the relationship. We are saying to the Lord, “I trust you for the outcome.” When we present our personal expectations to the Lord, we have an attitude of expectancy, where we hope and wait on Him to meet our needs and desires. Expectancy is the probability or strength of belief that a particular action will lead to a particular first level outcome. Expectancy is excited awareness that something is about to happen. God says, He will supply all of your need and He will give you the desires of your heart. Walk in expectancy that this is true. We have to shift our unreasonable expectations of others to realistic hope in a faithful, loving God. God will withhold nothing good from you, so seek Him for what you want and need. Expect Him to fulfill your desires in the least expected, most satisfying way that will exceed your expectations. Put your trust in Him, and present your personal expectations to Him. Wait on the Lord. He will never disappoint you!

Jacinta M. Gray,

The Couch Coach