Tradition

        

“Tradition: Just because you’ve always done it that way doesn’t mean it’s not stupid.” (A quote from a poster.)


A lot of thought goes into maintaining traditions, especially during the holiday seasons. With the recent passing of Thanksgiving, you might have observed many family traditions of your own. A tradition is a long-established action or pattern of behavior that has often been handed down from generation to generation. Traditions are customary, ritualistic, habitual practices. Traditions take many forms, like Sunday family dinners, holiday parties & gatherings, bedtime tales & prayers, pizza or movie nights, monthly service projects, and weekly date nights.

As the quote says, just because something has been done the same way day after day, month after month, or year after year, does not mean it’s the smartest thing to do. Many times we do things simply because they are traditions, dismissing the fact that some traditions are outdated, limiting, inflexible, unreasonable, stressful, and irrelevant. We can box ourselves in with the mindset that “we’ve always done it this way”. Following some traditions can have us settling for complacency, insignificance, and the status quo.

American poet and playwright T.S. Elliot said, “A tradition without intelligence is not worth having. People should think things out fresh and not just accept conventional terms and the conventional way of doing things”. Not all traditions are obsolete or restrictive. Traditions can be beneficial or they can be stressful and distract from what really matters. As such, traditions should be periodically assessed and adapted, as needed, to changing times and circumstances. Following are guidelines of when to consider retiring or replacing a tradition, and when traditions should be continued.

Signs that it may be time to relinquish a tradition:

1. Major life events. When you have experienced a major life event like marriage, childbirth, death of a loved one, change of career, or relocation, it might be necessary to retire, replace, or revamp existing traditions. Newlyweds should start new traditions of their own. When children enter the picture, family- and children-friendly traditions should be added. As couples enter the “empty nest” phase, then traditions might change as well. Moving to a new neighborhood or state might call for an adjustment in more geographically based traditions.
2. Stress. If following a tradition causes stress, anxiety, and relational turmoil, or is a burden to implement or partake, you should consider eliminating or modifying the tradition. Some traditions can be streamlined to minimize stress and foster harmony in relationships. Others should be abolished altogether to make room for new traditions.
3. Boredom. If a tradition inspires “ho-hum” feelings in most of the participants, then it is likely time to rethink the tradition. It can be torturous to participate in something that is lackluster and void of any fun or excitement. Take note of the interest level of participants as you practice traditions. Also, occasionally poll participants to see if the tradition is enjoyable, beneficial, and inspiring. If no one is thrilled to take part, then add some spice or consider discontinuing the tradition.
4. Changing times. Changing times can call for changing traditions, especially as humanity progresses in areas like technology, environmental awareness, cultural & ethnic diversity. If a tradition is so far behind the times, that it is no longer relevant, consider doing a tradition makeover. Some outdated traditions might need to be decommissioned altogether.
5. Painful situations. When a tradition invokes more pain than joy over a period of time, then the tradition should be rethought. Traditions should inspire, benefit, motivate, encourage, and uplift. Sometimes, a tragedy, painful event, or change in relational status might make a tradition permanently difficult or impossible to continue. Death does not necessarily dictate the end of a tradition. When loved ones are lost who participated in a tradition, observing the tradition might be difficult for the first few times, but ultimately, the loved one's memory can live on through the continuance of the tradition.

Good traditions to keep:

1. Legacy. Because the truest definition of a tradition is an action or behavior that has been passed down from generation to generation, traditions that perpetuate family legacy are good traditions to keep. A good tradition considers future generations and promotes generational inclusion, sharing, and learning.
2. Relevant. Relevant traditions consider the times and the culture. Traditions should be relevant and current in approach, even if the tradition itself dates back for decades, even centuries. Update traditions based on changes in technology, environment, economy, and culture.
3. Spiritually based. It is good to have traditions that are spiritually based. These traditions help keep you grounded, focused, and connected to God. Traditions that reinforce your faith are good traditions to keep.
4. Charitable. Rituals that give back to the community and help others are always keepers. Family traditions of service and donations promote a wonderful legacy of altruistic acts of kindness.
5. Enjoyable. The best traditions are those that are not painful, stressful, or boring for the participants. A tradition should foster joy, reduce stress, and provide some level of excitement in some significant way. If a tradition is enjoyable and beneficial, it is a good one to keep.

As you assess whether to update, eliminate, or replace a tradition, consider major life events, future generations, and changing times. If the tradition promotes legacy, and is relevant, spiritually based, charitable, or enjoyable, keep it. If it is not, consider a new approach to an old practice.


Jacinta M. Gray,
The Coach Couch