Balance

      
I was recently a panelist for my sorority workshop on balance. (The dynamic ladies of Delta Sigma Theta, in case you were wondering.) As I pondered my discussion points, I thought about balance in my own life. Achieving a sense of balance can be challenging for us "independent", progressive, active, 21st century woman. I use quotes around "independent", because even married ladies tend to be independent, superwomen, who believe, like most ladies, that they can conquer the world without experiencing burnout. Men, who are usually very focused, tend to experience less burnout and maintain a better balance.

For most ladies and some men, just normal, day-to-day activities of working and caring for a home (single or married) can wear you down and stress you out. If you add church and community activities, you could have a total meltdown if you do not have balance. Having balance is essential to a healthy lifestyle and healthy relationships. If you do not maintain balance, you cannot be effective for anyone or anything, including yourself. In order to maintain balance in your life, you must know your limits, prioritize your activities, learn to just say "no", and re-energize yourself to be effective to self and others.

Know your limits. The first step to achieving and maintaining balance is to know your limits. Do not take on more than you can handle. Make an assessment of what you can and cannot handle based on your lifestyle. Parents with young children should take on fewer non-family or non-children oriented activities because the amount of time and attention babies and young children require. As the children age, the parents can pursue additional endeavors. Single persons with no children can handle more activities than married persons and/or parents. Retired persons can handle more activities than those still working. Persons with more demanding careers cannot do as many non-work related activities as persons whose careers are less demanding. Know what works for you and your stage of life and your direct responsibilities.

Prioritize. Prioritizing is key to achieving and maintaining balance. Activities should be pursued in order of importance. The essential order of importance should be (1) God, (2) family, (3) work/purpose, and (4) other activities. A couple things to note here: First, God and church are not the same. “God” here means relationship with God not church activities. If your relationship with God is number one in importance, then balance is much easier to achieve and all other relationships and activities fall into place. Church activities should fall in the “other activities” category in order of importance. Second, family priority can be split into sub-categories of spouse (first) and children (second). This does not mean neglect children’s needs to care for your spouse. It means considering, honoring, and respecting your spouse in all of your decisions. When prioritizing family, work/purpose, and other activities, a distinction should be made between something that you want to do and something you have to do. If time is a factor, always err on the side of what needs to be done. Also, primary needs, like food, shelter, and safety are more important than secondary (and lower) needs.

Just say "no". When confronted with a task or activity for which you have not prioritized, or you simply do not have the motivation or energy to do (if not doing it will not put you or others in deficit, detriment, or danger), just say, "No." Saying "yes" when you really mean "no" can leave you feeling stressed out, angry, and resentful . Save yourself future anguish, and just say, "No." Saying "no" can bring on feelings of guilt, especially with loved ones, because of the sense of obligation tied to fulfilling the request. Set boundaries and be clear and concise in communicating those boundaries. This will help alleviate the guilt that can come with saying "no". Saying "yes" when you really mean, desire, or need to say "no" can zap your time and energy that should be used on something for which you have prioritized. In order to achieve and maintain balance, learn to just say, "No". When you do say, "Yes", be a person of your word and follow through. Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no".

Re-energize. You will be constantly exhausted and depleted of energy if you never stop to re-energize. A simple solution to extreme or chronic fatigue is consistent and sufficient rest. Three to four hours of sleep every night for a month just will not cut it. In order to effective in your areas of prioroty, you must make time for sufficient self-care. Think about one of the safety instructions given to passengers on a plane: "In the event of a change in cabin pressure, your oxygen masks will drop from the cieling above you. Before you help others with thier masks, put your mask on first." This a good way to view the role of self-care in helping others and prioritizing activities. If you are not sufficiently cared for and rested, you will not have energy to pray, care for your family, work, or engage in other activities. Take time to regularly re-energize yourself through proper rest, pampering, grooming, and solitiude. When you do, you will operate more effectively in areas most important to you.


Jacinta M. Gray,
The Couch Coach