Freedom

      

"I'm taking my freedom, pulling it off the shelf, putting it on my chain, wearing it 'round my neck." (Jill Scott, Golden)

How many people feel like Jill Scott's song, "Golden", is their theme song? I love that song! In it, Jill expresses the liberating feelings of walking in her freedom. She is wearing her freedom around her neck and putting it a song. She's got joy and is representing God's glory. Wow! As I sing along with the song, I feel the power of the lyrics. "I'm living my life like it's golden!" What a confession! What benefits of living a life of freedom! How is this "Golden Life" possible? How can you walk daily in the freedom that God created you for? You have to learn to find freedom in your individuality, relationship with Christ, and purpose for your life. You have to be free from expectations, excuses, and criticism.

1. Freedom in Individuality

The most important way to walk in freedom is to know who you are. You must be fully aware of self, and then fully be that person that you know you are. There is bondage in conformity, especially when it comes to personality, personal endeavors, and personal pursuits. Be able to express your likes and dislikes, values and views, morals and standards, desires and dreams, plans and goals. In modern vernacular, "Do you!" And in the words of William Shakespeare in "Hamlet": "This above all: to thine ownself be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." If you are being authentically and transparently you, this is the “you” that you present to others. There is such freedom in being true to yourself. When you are true to yourself, you do not have to put on fronts or airs or wear masks. But you can present your true self to others instead of the watered-down, representative version of you. Presenting your true self to others and walking in your individuality requires introspection, acknowledgment, confidence, and sometimes even courage. When you are your true self instead of being what others would like you to be, you risk rejection, discouragement, alienation, and unpopularity. News alert: THIS IS OKAY. Not everyone is going to like you anyway, whether you are being true to yourself or not. You might as well be your authentic self and attract friends based on who you really are. Walk in the freedom of individuality. Be your true self at all times.

2. Freedom from Expectations

Expectations can be a way of controlling relationships by demanding another person act in a certain way based on your relationship with them. In order to walk in freedom from expectations, you must not only not have unreasonable expectations of others, but you must also not expect to fully meet the expectations of others, as expectations are never 100% fully met. The problem with expectations is that you always have more expectations. Expectations birth expectations and lead to perpetual dissatisfaction, because there is never an end to the expectations. Having expectations of others or trying to meet the expectations of others can be a vicious cycle. When we have expectations of another, especially unreasonable and unexpressed expectations, we expect others to read our minds, and know our desired future or expected outcome or results. We create self-induced disappointment and undue stress and strain on relationships. Likewise, when we try to live up to the expectations others, we seldom do, and we continually disappoint. Walk in freedom from expectations – yours and others. Expect less, accept more.

3. Freedom from Excuses

Anyone who has pledged a fraternity or sorority can quote this or some other variation of Excuses: “Excuses are tools of incompetence, used to build monuments of nothingness, and those who specialize in them seldom accomplish anything.” Nothing is more liberating than taking the excuses out of life. Excuses are limiting to self and others. Excuses are designed to justify behavior or feelings in a way that makes it appear more acceptable or less offensive. Excuses are false reasons that enable you to do something you want to do or avoid something you do not want to do. By their nature, excuses are meant to be cover ups for true behavior, feelings, or intent. Excuses are lies we tell ourselves to avoid dealing with unpleasant truths. Liberate yourself. Do not justify and cover up, but provide explanations, valid reasons, and clarity of thought, feelings, actions, and intent. Eliminate self-limiting excuses like, “I don’t have enough time…”, “I don’t have enough experience...”, “I don’t have enough money….”, and “I don’t have enough energy…”. Walk in freedom from excuses. Be straightforward and truthful with yourself and others. Supply valid reasons and explanations in a clear, concise, honest way.

4. Freedom from Criticism

Many times, people put way too much emphasis on what others think about them. They are concerned about what others think about them, including their behavior, appearance, and lifestyle. Emotions can flare based on the expressed criticism of others. When we respond to criticism, good or bad, we are letting others control our emotional responses. “I am happy if…..” “I am angry if….” I am sad if……” When we let criticism - whether in the form of dissatisfaction, assessment, or critique - control us, we are in bondage and captive to the approval of others. Criticism in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. Constructive criticism can be requested, welcomed, and whole-heartedly received. However, when criticism, requested or not, constructive or not, is allowed to impact our emotions, we are not walking freedom from criticism. When we receive criticism, we can assess its validity and act according, making adjustments as needed. However, we should be more concerned about living godly, moral lives, and focus on what God thinks about us rather than what people think about us. Walk in freedom from criticism. Do not let what others deem as wrong or unacceptable (or even right or acceptable) control you.

5. Freedom in Purpose

When you know what God created you to do, you can walk in the freedom of your purpose. You are not boxed into working a job that you don’t want to work or in a field that is of no interest to you. When you walk in freedom of purpose, you are not defined by your family’s or society’s expectations of what you should do or become. When you are pursuing your purpose, you feel valuable, important, and needed, because God created a niche just for you. If you are working at a job or in a position, and asking yourself, “Why am I really here?”, it could be because you are not walking in your purpose. If you feel stuck, boxed in, unmotivated, and limited, you might not be walking in your purpose. Seek God for His purpose for your life, and then take the necessary steps (which is usually a process) to walk in that purpose. Walk in freedom of purpose. Do what God created you to do.

6. Freedom in Christ

If you are a Christian, then you can walk in the freedom of your identity in Christ. You can walk in confidence knowing who you are because of whose you are – a child of God saved by grace. When you walk in the freedom of your identity in Christ, you can walk in the assurance of being the righteousness of God through Christ; redeemed by His blood; free from condemnation; covered by grace; showered with favor; having things worked out for your benefit; the salt of the earth; the light of the world; a temple of the Holy Spirit; and God’s handiwork. When you acknowledge your identity in Christ, you know that you are valued and loved. You do not have to seek validation in and through others. When you walk in the freedom of Christ, you are free to be who God created you to be with confidence. You walk in your uniqueness and purpose, free from expectations, excuses, and criticism.

Come on and sing with me.....

I'm taking my freedom
Pulling it off the shelf
Putting it on my chain
Wearing it 'round my neck
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my car
Wherever I choose to go
It will take me far
I'm…
Living my life like it's golden

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song
Singing loud and strong
Grooving all day long
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my stroll
I’ll be high-stepping ya'll
Letting the joy unfold
I'm…
Living my life like it's golden

I'm holding on to my freedom
Can't take it from me
I was born into it and it comes naturally
I'm strumming my own freedom
Playing the God in me
Representing His glory
Hope He's proud of me!
Yeah!

Living my life, like it's golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden.


Jacinta M. Gray,
The Couch Coach
   

Bitterness

       

"The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter." Mandie Ellingson

I recently listened to a Joyce Meyer teaching series on "Bitterness", in which Joyce taught on becoming better instead of bitter. In it, Joyce spoke of a conference attendee who pointed out that the only difference between "bitter" and "better" is the letter "I". When it comes to the decision to be bitter or better, self-will makes all the difference. Bitterness is all about self, is tied to resentment and unforgiveness, and lacks love and grace in every possible way. After listening to Joyce, I decided to delve deeper into the "bitterness" topic.

Definition of bitterness

"Bitterness" comes from the root word “bitter”, which mean to be angry and resentful. Bitterness is characterized by intense antagonism or hostility caused by a sense of having been badly treated. When you are bitter toward someone, you have strong animosity toward them, and cynicism kicks into high gear. You become mocking and scornful toward them, and you doubt their motives and sincerity. Bitterness puts you in offense mode. You are ready to attack or assault the person who hurt or mistreated you. When something is bitter, it causes a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation. When you are bitter toward another, that person engenders unpleasant and painful feelings in you. In return, you are sharp and unpleasant toward them.

The root of bitterness

If I could paint a picture in your mind about how bitterness is formed and grows, I would say the seeds of hurt form into the roots of bitterness that yield the fruit of anger, resentment, and unforgiveness. Bitterness blocks your blessings and God’s dispensation of grace. Hebrews 12:14-15 tells us, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.” As you fail to extend grace to others, you also fall short of God’s grace. When the root of bitterness springs up, it leads to fruit that only expounds on a negative feeling and complicates matters. As bitterness grows, so do anger and resentment. Resentment leads to grudges and grudges lead to unforgiveness. When you decide to be bitter, you decide to carry a weight and a burden that controls you based on direct or indirect hurt or unmet expectations from another person. When you are bitter, you are enslaved by hurt. Slavery causes bitterness, and bitterness causes slavery. It is a vicious cycle. When you are bitter, you are holding on to an actual or perceived hurt (intentional or unintentional on the other person’s part) that is dictating your behavior. When you are acting from a root of bitterness, you are making a conscientious effort to return hurt for hurt through your actions.

The antidote to bitterness

What is the antidote to bitterness? How to you go from bitter to better? You must acknowledge the hurt; release the bitterness; extend or request forgiveness; and love.

Acknowledge hurt. The first step to going from bitter to better is to knowledge the hurt caused by another to yourself and to the offender. Face the hurt head on. First, assess your feelings. Seek to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling toward the other person. Approach the offender calmly and tactfully. Share your feelings and ask pointed questions. Get clarity on actions, motives, and intentions.

Release the bitterness. A good way to release bitterness is to stop blaming the other person for hurting you – even if they intentionally hurt you. When you place blame, you make the other person responsible for your feelings. Take ownership of your own feelings. You are the only one who can truly control them. Stop going on a fact-finding expedition to continue to build a case against the other person. As long as you find fault you will place blame and hold onto bitterness. Really examine a person’s motives and your own expectations. Misinterpreted motives and intentions or unmet or unreasonable expectations can lead to bitterness and resentment. Unless otherwise established, assume that the other person has good motives and intentions. If you have accurately determined that a person does not have good motives or intentions, stop playing the tape of the pain they caused over and over in your mind. Decide that you are going to let it go and move on for peace of mind. As long as you hold on to bitterness, you will not have peace or joy.

Extend or request forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” If you have discovered that your bitterness really has no basis, ask the now non-offender for forgiveness for the hurt that you have extended toward him or her based of his or her perceived hurt of you. If someone has genuinely hurt you, release the bitterness, anger, and resentment toward them, and actually forgive them. Keep in mind that an apology is not needed to extend forgiveness. Release the other person from the debt you feel they owe you from the pain they have caused you. Extend grace and compassion toward the other person, and open your heart to forgive them or ask for forgiveness. Remember, bitterness destroys relationships. Forgiveness restores relationships.

Love. The ultimate antidote to bitterness is love. A quote from early 20th century American clergyman, Harry Fosdick, says, “Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it. Bitterness paralyzes life; love empowers it. Bitterness sours life; love heals it. Bitterness blinds life; love anoints its eye.” Choose love over an imprisoned, paralyzed, powerless, sour, blinded life. Acknowledge your hurt; release your bitterness; extend or request forgiveness; and walk in love. Cut bitterness off at its root!

Jacinta M. Gray,

The Couch Coach