Fear

 

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a bug person. And my biggest fear is bees (or anything with a stinger, quite frankly). And I especially hate large bugs of any kind, like those nasty water bugs. (And apparently, as a bug fearer/hater, I moved to the wrong state, Georgia!) I have gotten better over the years, but I still lose my very ladylike composure when a bee is around, especially those big, black bumblebees.

A few mornings ago, I was getting ready for work, and I saw a ladybug in the bathroom. I didn’t flinch, but certainly took notice, and when I realized that it was a ladybug, my concerns were allayed. I said to myself, well in fact, to the ladybug, “You’re an okay bug. You bring good luck. You’re a good sign.” And I merrily went about the task of continuing to ready myself for work.

What causes me to fear bees and big bugs but to be okay with ladybugs? Why do we, in general, fear some things and not others?

Fear comes in many forms. We fear the known and the unknown. The common thread is not the fear of object itself, but the fear of the outcome or consequences of encountering the feared object. For me, with bees and bugs, it’s the fear of being stung or crawled on by something nasty and germy (yuck!). Ladybugs pose no threat of injury or contamination, and I see them as a benefit not a detriment. We can fear things like amusement park rides, creepy-crawly things, heights, small spaces, or elevators. We can also fear intangible things like change, public speaking, social settings, taking on new tasks, or confronting others. Some fears we can avoid all together (like me, bungee jump or sky dive – NEVER). Other fears we can encounter occasionally or frequently.

Whatever your fear, you can conquer it!

Question yourself. Ask, “What’s the worst that could happen?” If the “worst” were to happen, what would be the outcome? How would you handle the “worst” outcome? Usually, the thing that you fear the most will not happen. Something contrary can also occur, what you fear the most can happen because you are so focused on it. For me, because I fear bees, I see bees. But the chance of my being swarmed by bees, or even stung, is small.

Confront your fear. Grab the bull by the horns! The first step to releasing your fears is to face them. After asking yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen”, take the next step to process through your fear. Think of what caused the fear in the first place. Deal with the feelings and memories that are invoked by your fear. Also, put yourself in situations that force you to face your fear.

Replace your fear with faith. Faith is the opposite of fear. FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. In more cases than not, the things we fear are not actual threats at all. Or the consequences of encountering them are not as extreme or severe as we imagined. Indeed, some fears are based on traumatic experiences, but usually those were the worst case scenarios and would not likely happen again with the original intensity. However, in many cases, there is no (real) proof that the feared object is a (true) threat. Faith, on the other hand, gives us proof of God’s goodness and a desirable outcome. Have faith that the feared object poses no real threat and will not really harm you. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1).

Take baby steps. Years of fear are not erased overnight. Chances of instant release from your fear are slim. As with most things, it’s a process. There is a saying, “The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” Your fear may seem insurmountable, but you can triumph over it! Have a plan to slowly, but surely, work through your fear. Celebrate the small successes.

Avoid danger. Do not put yourself in harm’s way when working through your fear. Self-protection and self-preservation are a priority. (If you fear bees because you are allergic, please don’t go near any hives.) If your fear involves true danger or fear of another person, do not expose yourself to a violent, abusive, or potentially fatal situation – involve law enforcement, a spiritual leader, or a mental health professional, as needed.

Seek counseling. If your fears are really paralyzing and you are unable to function when faced with thoughts or threats of your fears, schedule time with a counselor or therapist to help you process through the root of your fears. Some fears are deep-seated and require professional help to work through. Professional help can be found through churches, healthcare networks, community organizations, and job resources.

Face your fear! Keep the faith!

(For the record, I have gotten better with bees and bugs over the years, but I am still a work-in-progress. :-))

Jacinta M. Gray,

The Couch Coach