Intentions

We expect grace based on our intentions, but we judge others based on theirs." ~Jacinta M. Gray

An intention is a decision or determination to follow a certain plan or course of action in a particular way for a particular reason. A mouthful. When it comes to intentions, you have mentally purposed to meet some goal. Intentions are funny things. They are internal resolutions to use certain means to reach an end that may never be externally acted upon. What makes intentions even more curious is that we expect grace based on our intentions, but we judge others based on theirs. If our best intentions go unacted upon, we say, "Charge it to my head and not my heart", because we want others to know that we were "well-intentioned". However, unless followed by actions, we tend to judge others based on what we perceive as their intentions. We say things like, "I thought he said he was going to do....." or "I can't believe that she didn't do what she said she was going to do." Even worse, we become "mind readers", and bestow malevolent or malicious intent upon someone who might have had the purest of intentions. While it's true that intentions can reveal one's soul, only God knows the true heart of a person. We must extend grace to others for their good intentions, as we expect and welcome the same grace from them for ours. Following are some signs to guide you when assessing the intentions of others to ensure that you do not judge them.

Signs that you are judging the intentions of others:

1. Questioning motives. If you are wondering why a person intends to act a certain way or do a certain thing, you are questioning their motives, and thereby judging their intentions. In criminal law, a motive is an indication that a person is capable of committing a crime, because they have a good enough reason to do so. When you question someone's motives, you are, in a sense, accusing a person of having mal intentions. The law distinguishes between intent and motive. Intent is purposing in your mind to do a certain act. Whereas, motive is having an actual reason to do an act. When you question someone's motives, you are establishing a basis for their actions or decisions that can very likely be untrue. Just like proof of motive is not required in a criminal prosecution, when one questions another's motives, no proof is sought -- only persecution. "Sentencing" is done based on presumed motive alone.

2. Being critical. If you are inclined to find fault with or severely judge a person's motives, you are being critical, and thereby judging their intentions. If you are doing careful or analytical evaluations, dissecting another's motives, you are being critical. When you are critical of someone's motives, you are showing disapproval and condemnation. You have already determined that the person can do no right - even worse, what they do or intend to do is wrong. You have become a censor, determining the morality of another based on your adverse opinion of his or her intentions.

3. Mind reading. A formal definition of motive is "an emotion, desire, physiological need, or similar impulse that acts as an incitement to action". If you are assuming the feelings, wishes, needs, or urges that drive a person's intentions, and ultimately, their actions, you are mind reading. When you read the mind of another with regard to their intentions, you are judging them, and likely drawing improper conclusions.

4. Holding grudges. If you are harboring unforgiveness toward a person because of their intention, you are holding a grudge and judging the person. You have decided to resent the person either on what you perceive as their intent, or because the action did not meet the expectations of the intention.

5. Playing proxy. If you are putting yourself in another's shoes, so to speak, as it relates to intentions, you are playing proxy. You're saying things like, "If I were you, I would have...." or "I definitely wouldn't have....". Playing proxy is very easy to do when you lack wisdom, understanding, insight, or empathy with regard to someone else's intentions, motivations, or actions. Since we are all individuals, we all have specific ways and reasons for doing things, which may or may not correlate to how someone else approaches things. If you are playing proxy regarding someone's intentions, you are likely judging them.

Instead of jugding the intentions of others, ask questions. Get clarity on a person's true intentions. Do not be judge, jury, and prosecutor. Stop your censorship and fault-finding mission. Know that only God really knows the heart of another. Be empathetic. Extend grace. Look inward to understand why you so readily question and judge the motives of another.

Not only should we not judge the intentions of others, it is also important to focus on one's own intentions, rather than those of another. One can be well-intentioned (i.e., having good intentions, even if producing unfortunate results) or ill-intentioned (i.e., having bad intentions; malevolent). We have all heard the phrase, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." The key to determining which category yours falls into is to assess both purpose and outcome. Our intentions should be rightful ones with the purpose of helping, encouraging, and affirming others. We should have a desire and commitment to follow through on our intentions.

As we know, the smallest deed is better than the greatest intention. Walt Kelly, American animator and cartoonist, said, "It is not good enough for things to be planned - they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation." There is a website, intent.com, where they ask the question, "What's your intent today?", to which members post their replies. I thought about my reply...I decided on, "To be health conscious and productive." What guided my answer was the fact that I do want to age gracefully in a healthy way, so I have to make wise dietary choices. Also, I was at work, so I wanted my work day to be a productive one. That day, my food choices were healthy and my day was pretty productive. But how many times have our actions not aligned with our intentions? Following are signs of a well-intentioned person, whose "walk" matches his or her "talk" when it comes to following through on intentions.

Signs of a well-intentioned person:

1. Desire. Good intentions must start with the desire to perform or follow some course of action. Desire is an inner longing that motivates one's thoughts, and in many cases, subsequent actions. A well-intentioned person has an appetite, a thirst, a yearning to achieve a particular goal -- to follow through on a certain task. With desire comes the strong feeling that success is always within reach. Desire is that drive that pushes us toward action.

2. Commitment. With desire must come a made-up mind to see the goal through. You have to eliminate the word "try" from your vocabulary and replace it with "do". A well-intentioned person has a sense of honor and obligation, and is determined to meet a goal. He or she pledges inwardly or outwardly to follow through on a plan and remains faithful to accomplish it.

3. Purpose. Good deeds can have bad intentions, and good intentions can have bad outcomes. Even so, keep a pure heart with pure intentions, and the overall outcome will be positive. When intentions are good, but the outcome is bad, people tend to be forgiving. However, no bad intention ever ultimately turns out well, and relationships are negatively impacted when the truth is revealed -- and somehow, the truth always comes out. A well-intentioned person has a rightful purpose and good motives anchoring his or her intentions.

4. Attitude. "Attitude is everything." We've all heard it, and it is true. Your mindset really drives your actions. Your attitude can motivate you or paralyze you. In psychology, attitude is a mental position with regard to a fact or state. Attitudes reflect a tendency to classify objects and events and to react to them with some consistency. Attitude, positive or negative, is a choice. A well-intentioned person consistently chooses to think positively about propelling a plan into action to meet a desired goal.

5. Action. Intentions birth actions, but not all intentions are acted upon. A well-intentioned person applies corresponding action to a plan. He or she has that staying power to organize activity to accomplish an objective. Life can present obstacles and challenges, but a well-intentioned person remains driven and committed with a sense of purpose and the proper attitude to reach the final goal.


Jacinta M. Gray,
The Couch Coach