It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how things are in themselves. The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it. ~Carl Jung
Today I had a change of perspective -- an "AHA!" moment, if you will. I had written, in permanent ink, at the top of bathroom mirror: 2010 is going to be a GREAT year for me! MY TIME IS COMING! This is a wonderful confession in and of itself. It speaks of hope, potential, and a preferable future. Not bad, right? What could make it even better? A slight change in perspective can make a big difference.
I was listening to the opening inspirational moments of my weekday morning radio show, and the radio personality was mentioning Joel Osteen's book, "It's Your Time". This immediately made me think of my mirror affirmation: "MY TIME IS COMING!" I said to myself, "Wait a minute. My time isn't coming. My time is now!" I immediately took the glass cleaner from the cabinet under the sink, and wiped away my former confession. With my mirror affirmation changed to: "IT'S MY TIME IS NOW!", I now had a new perspective and a renewed since of direction and purpose. I felt refreshed! A small change in perspective can make a big difference. Instead of "my time" being this wonderful future prospect, always just out of reach (but on its way), it was now here and viable. With a perspective change from "out there and possible" to "right here and viable", possibilities seem more tangible rather than just something to which to aspire.
Perspective is based on perception and is relative, personal, and specific. We do not see things are they really are, we see them through the lenses of our beliefs, fears, previous experiences, and feelings. Perspective is based on degrees or measurements, like intensity, duration, and distance. How painful, exciting, compelling, or long something is generally depends on one's personal perspective. What is painful for one person might be strengthening or motivating to another. What seems like an eternity to one person might seem like minutes to another. How you view life (its events, circumstances, and related feelings) can either propel you or paralyze you. Perception can affect an end result. If you have a change in perception, you can have a change in results. Your outlook determines your outcome. You can change perception by changing meaning, value, relevance, and/or facts.
In psychological terms, a change in perspective is called "reframing". The concept of reframing is that you have a choice in how you interpret or view situations and circumstances. Reframing can help you view a problem as an opportunity; a weakness as a strength; or an impossibility as a possibility. With reframing, you change perspective by putting a positive spin on something viewed as negative. There are two basic kinds of reframing: context reframing and content reframing. We make meaning of facts and circumstances by making assumptions or inferences about them. Meaning depends on how we view context and content, so you control the context or content of something by changing its meaning. When you change your perspective through reframing, you change negative assumptions and inferences about facts and circumstances into positive ones.
Context reframing is changing the meaning of a situation by changing its context. With this type of change in perspective, you take a behavior, experience or attribute that seems to be negative, not useful, and distressing, and show how the same behavior, experience or attribute can be useful in another context or situation. With context reframing, you ask yourself, "In what context (or situations), can this have value or be useful?" For example, instead of saying, "My son talks too much", say, "My son is going to grow up to be a great speaker!" Context reframing focuses on how the current circumstances, behavior or feelings can be beneficial in a different time or place. If you change the context, you change your perspective.
Our perception causes us to give situations or circumstances a specific meaning, which may or may not be true. Content reframing is simply changing the meaning of a situation. The situation, attribute or behavior stays the same, but the meaning is changed and takes on a positive value. Content reframing can be used to change a negative idea or belief into something useful. With content reframing, you ask yourself, "What else could this mean? In what way, could this be positive?" For example, instead of saying, "I did not get that job. I must have done terribly on that interview", say, "I didn't get that job. There must be a great opportunity awaiting me!" If you change the content, you change your perspective.
Just like a different frame changes the appearance of a picture, reframing changes your perspective. Follow this advice, to help reframe your perspective and cause a positive shift in your thinking:
1. Ask yourself: "What's the worst that could happen?" Then, assess the likelihood of it actually happening. You will find that it is either not likely to happen or not as bad as you thought.
2. Avoid "all-or-nothing" thinking and generalizations by eliminating the use of extreme terms like "never", "always", "all of", "none of", “everybody, and “nobody”. Again, things are usually not as bad as they seem. Think of exceptions, of times when the situation was different.
3. Minimize intensity, duration, distance to make situations and circumstances more tolerable. Remember, nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass, so change your mindset to that effect.
4. Be a "glass half full" person. Ask yourself, "What is the positive value in this situation?"
5. Look for alternate explanations for situations, circumstances, and behaviors. Ask yourself, "What else can this mean?"
6. Examine the evidence. Usually, if you think about it, there is no real evidence to support your bleak or negative outlook. It is just as easy to think positively as it is to think negatively, but with far better results. Think about what is right about a situation, not about what is bad. Think about what you do have, not what you don't have. Think about what you can do, not what you cannot do.
7. Expand your scope. Have a panoramic view of things. Look at the "big picture". In isolation, something can seem really bad, but when seen in the grander scheme of things, it can seem quite insignificant. Don't sweat the small stuff!
8. Expect the best and prepare for the best (not the worst). Oft times, we are too focused on the bad that could happen, and we brace ourselves for it. Your results are directly tied to your preparation. Shift your prep work to focus on getting the best results not the worst.
9. Challenge distorted beliefs. Examine the source of your negative outlook. Be open to new ideas and concepts that will help you change your "stinking thinking".
10. See the possibilities. Instead of seeing roadblocks, see possibilities. Once you see the possibilities, bring them within arms’ reach. Something always on its way may never get there. Once it is up close and personal, it becomes more tangible and realistic.
As I think about it, I think I will change the first part of my mirror affirmation from "2010 is going to be a GREAT year for me!" to "2010 is a GREAT year for me!" It's all about perspective!
Jacinta M. Gray,
The Couch Coach
